A Different Football Coach

The South Florida Bulls (located in Tampa) fired their football coach recently.  Yesterday in the newspaper there was an article informing us that the new coach has proclaimed that his team was going to be physical.

Wow.  That sounds like a really good plan…since it’s football.

I can see why they hired him.  That’s seems like a solid approach.

It got me wondering if maybe during the interview process they ran into a couple of guys who had different ideas.  Guys who said:

“My team will not be physical.”

“My team will be highly trained to avoid contact.”

“My team offensively, will NOT try to establish the run.  Ever.”

“My team defensively, will never attempt to stop the run.”

“I believe in letting the other team out work us.”

“We will not waste our time emphasizing ball security.”

“I’m going to make sure we don’t play hard for a full 60 minutes”

“Our opponents say they ‘come to play’.  We don’t.  We come to eyeball their cheerleaders.”

“I’m looking for the type of player who can put the I in team.”

“For our non-conference games, we are going to try to schedule a bunch of pussies,”

“Practice is for losers.”

“We plan to lead the league in camera shots of the head coach on the sideline.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about special teams.”

“As far as communicating with my players goes, my door will always be slammed in their stupid faces.”

“Recruiting is over rated.”

“Our goal is to finish last in our conference…dead last.”

“I don’t want the drug users, I want the dealers.”

“We’ll fill our sideline bottles with 12 year old scotch.”

“A straight A student can’t be on my team. I hate those poindexters.  Fuck Academics.”

“I’ve already committed 4 NCAA violations and you haven’t even hired me yet.”

“I know which refs are on the take.  Our boosters will need to pony up, in the right places…if you know what I mean.”

“Just so we’re clear…I get to bang the secretaries, don’t I?”

6 responses to this post.

  1. I’d like to play for 12 year old scotch guy.

    Even scarier is how many other job offers these rejected coaches will get…


  2. But couldn’t a coach like that possibly get hired if he can get the Athletic Director to say “it’s just so crazy it might just work”?


  3. I went to USF when the Bulls were brand new. Now I go to NDSU where we say Ready Set Go Bison.

    Oh, football.


  4. Posted by Candice on January 1, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    It’s the month of the goat and the Skins rule! I don’t know who the South Florida Bulls are so that is all :-). Enjoy your evening!


  5. And to think I hate football. Who knew the behind the scenes could be so much more interesting than the actual game. Thanks for the post!


  6. Long time, no hear.
    Hope all is well.


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