Don’t Give Me Any Of That Crap!

Comedian Ron White asked, “Have you ever taking a crap so big your pants fit better?”

Well last night at 2:30 I got out of bed and while awake I started thinking about this line of his and its brilliance.  I also started coming up with my own questions.  I leave it to you to figure out what I was doing while these thoughts were running through my head.

1) Did you ever take a crap so big you brought the neighbor’s rottweiler over and showed it to him just to make him jealous?

2) Did you ever take a crap so big when you went back into the living room everyone noticed a marked improvement in your attitude?

3) Did you ever take a crap so big when you rejoined your buddies in the den one of them said, “Look at your face!  Did you just get laid?”

4) Did you ever take a crap so big you brought your 6 year old son in to see it and tell him, “That’s what is now left of your older brother.  You want to piss me off too?”

5) Did you ever take a crap so big you’re sure it felt better than the last time you had sex?

6) Did you ever take a crap so big you thought for sure that would hold you for a week?

7) Did you ever take a crap so big you marked that day on your calendar so you’d remember to commemorate it the next year?

8) Did you ever take a crap so big the only appropriate thing to do after was to remove your hat and bow your head in a moment of silence?

9) Did you ever take a crap so big that after you actually yelled “Ta Da!”?

 

I haven’t posted anything on this blog for 2 months.  After all that time, this is what came to me to write.  Nice.  Classy.

12 responses to this post.

  1. I haven’t posted anything on this blog for 2 months. After all that time, this is what came to me to write. Nice. Classy.

    Maybe you were just . . . um. . . blocked.

    Reply

  2. You’re disgusting. Also, poop jokes are my weak spot. I’ll still be grinning late at night.

    Reply

  3. My craps take me.

    Reply

  4. Did you ever take a crap so big, you couldn’t bring yourself to flush because it was so incredible? Well my kids have. And what’s worse? There was NO TOILET PAPER in there with it!

    Did you ever take a crap so big your neighbors called the police because they thought the sound of your asshole slamming shut was a gunshot?

    Reply

  5. You wrote this? You’re shitting me. ;)

    Reply

  6. 6 yeses.
    Nope, not admitting which ones.

    Have you considered adding more fiber to your diet?

    Reply

  7. Ever take one so big you had to stand up to finish?

    Reply

  8. Well I for one appreciate that you got that load off your mind. I award you a ‘nine’ for tasteful classy blogging. A photograph or two would have ensured a ‘ perfect ten’.

    Reply

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