More Productive Uses Of Time

The presidential debates were the most boring, predictable waste of time I’ve ever been subjected to.  Even some useless, impeachable events in the Olympics were more compelling.  0% of voters will change their minds because of these idiotic rhetoric fests. (BTW that old bastard Jim Lehrer needs to shut it down already…a substitute 5th grade teacher has more control.)  The next truly “undecided” voter I see will be the first.  Don’t even give me your line of shit.  If the election was held today you’d vote for the same person you are going to vote for in November.  That’s a true fact.  Everyone routing for the red tie thought he did great and everyone routing for the blue tie thought he did great and neither side could believe the shocking analysis that the other tie did well.  Who’d seen that coming?

So I was wondering what else I could be doing with my time that would be more productive:

Create non-Euclidian geometry

Catch up on the 12 years of reality TV I’ve skipped

Chemically analyze the dirt contained in a well-used dollar bill

Rewrap the toidy paper backwards just to learn if it would still be used

Respond to all the emo status reports I can find on Facebook

Start the al-Qaeda-Chinese drug cartel-Antarctic Mafia killed JFK conspiracy theory

Count the kernels in a #10 can of corn and check 5 more for consistency  Report findings

Scan all episodes of SNL from the last 20 years to search for something actually funny (actually a productivity tie w/ the debate)

Learn to read, write and speak Klingon…then Romulan

Lick the salt off an entire bag of Fritos  Repeat

Thaw someone who has been cryogenically frozen to see their reaction when you tell them “Just kidding.  We’re not ready yet.  Get back in there.”

Learn why reducing the fat in a food by 25% translates into 95% less flavor

Walk to Utah to see if The Great Salt Lake is still salty

Paint the town red, literally

List something for sale on ebay then start a bidding war against yourself   Never give in

Write a 50,000 word essay describing the fascinating people who watch nothing but The Weather Channel

Create a perfume that perfectly recreates the smell of cat urine…bummer…already been done, eh?  Well, make yours better








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17 responses to this post.

  1. - Have your feet scraped
    - Sort eggs at the supermarket
    - Listen to a Mumenschanz cd


  2. Please report back if you find out that the Great Salt Lake is made of Fritos. Thank you.


  3. Put all the corn in a #10 can of corn in a #9 envelope and mail it to yourself? Oh and I want to be there when you unfreeze that guy with my camera ready when you tell him just kidding! :D


  4. Disney on Ice is coming to town next week. I’m going to wake him.


  5. If it is salty can you let me know please Rich.


  6. Same applies to our political debates. If candidates jelly-wrestled it would be just as effective in changing opinions and slightly more entertaining.
    I’m looking forward to pictures of your ‘painting town red’ project.


  7. Didn’t watch the debate, as I was already sick enough without subjecting myself to that mess. A friend did–made a drinking game out of it. 20 minutes in and he was already well on his way to completely smashed.


  8. Posted by Candice (Ms B's Mom ) on October 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    I’d rather watch QVC….and I don’t. I’m sure I’ll be killing stinkbugs, though! I hear there’s the smell of cheap marketing and branding going around like meningitis. Yup.


  9. You can, if you have a partner, freind colleague, play this game. The two of you drink a bottle of whiskey, Brandy, tequilla etc. Then one of you, it matters not, which one, goes outside and after a short interval, knocks at the door. The other has to guess who it is. Then repeat.


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