The presidential debates were the most boring, predictable waste of time I’ve ever been subjected to. Even some useless, impeachable events in the Olympics were more compelling. 0% of voters will change their minds because of these idiotic rhetoric fests. (BTW that old bastard Jim Lehrer needs to shut it down already…a substitute 5th grade teacher has more control.) The next truly “undecided” voter I see will be the first. Don’t even give me your line of shit. If the election was held today you’d vote for the same person you are going to vote for in November. That’s a true fact. Everyone routing for the red tie thought he did great and everyone routing for the blue tie thought he did great and neither side could believe the shocking analysis that the other tie did well. Who’d seen that coming?
So I was wondering what else I could be doing with my time that would be more productive:
Create non-Euclidian geometry
Catch up on the 12 years of reality TV I’ve skipped
Chemically analyze the dirt contained in a well-used dollar bill
Rewrap the toidy paper backwards just to learn if it would still be used
Respond to all the emo status reports I can find on Facebook
Start the al-Qaeda-Chinese drug cartel-Antarctic Mafia killed JFK conspiracy theory
Count the kernels in a #10 can of corn and check 5 more for consistency Report findings
Scan all episodes of SNL from the last 20 years to search for something actually funny (actually a productivity tie w/ the debate)
Learn to read, write and speak Klingon…then Romulan
Lick the salt off an entire bag of Fritos Repeat
Thaw someone who has been cryogenically frozen to see their reaction when you tell them “Just kidding. We’re not ready yet. Get back in there.”
Learn why reducing the fat in a food by 25% translates into 95% less flavor
Walk to Utah to see if The Great Salt Lake is still salty
Paint the town red, literally
List something for sale on ebay then start a bidding war against yourself Never give in
Write a 50,000 word essay describing the fascinating people who watch nothing but The Weather Channel
Create a perfume that perfectly recreates the smell of cat urine…bummer…already been done, eh? Well, make yours better
Beer
Posted by El Guapo on October 5, 2012 at 3:06 pm
- Have your feet scraped
- Sort eggs at the supermarket
- Listen to a Mumenschanz cd
Posted by Rich Crete on October 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm
How did I miss those? Glad you have my back, El. I also forgot – watch a 90 minute loop of Oppa Gangnam Style.
Posted by Hippie Cahier on October 5, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Please report back if you find out that the Great Salt Lake is made of Fritos. Thank you.
Posted by Rich Crete on October 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Dare to dream, Hippie.
Posted by Linda Vernon on October 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Put all the corn in a #10 can of corn in a #9 envelope and mail it to yourself? Oh and I want to be there when you unfreeze that guy with my camera ready when you tell him just kidding!
Posted by Rich Crete on October 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Hopefully he has a good sense of humor and says “Boy! You really got me good there.”
Posted by appletonavenue on October 6, 2012 at 12:06 am
Polka.
Posted by Rich Crete on October 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Splendid idea, AA.
Posted by omawarisan on October 6, 2012 at 1:11 am
Disney on Ice is coming to town next week. I’m going to wake him.
Posted by Rich Crete on October 6, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Good idea, Oma. I bet he needs to pee really bad.
Posted by gingerfightback on October 6, 2012 at 8:51 am
If it is salty can you let me know please Rich.
Posted by Rich Crete on October 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I will when I get there, GFB. I’ve only made it to Gainesville so far (about 100 miles north of Tampa). No one has offered me a ride yet. And there’s a pebble in my left shoe that is slowing me down.
Posted by gingerfightback on October 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Sorry to hear that. Pebbles are bastards.
Posted by GOF on October 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Same applies to our political debates. If candidates jelly-wrestled it would be just as effective in changing opinions and slightly more entertaining.
I’m looking forward to pictures of your ‘painting town red’ project.
Posted by mkultra76 on October 8, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Didn’t watch the debate, as I was already sick enough without subjecting myself to that mess. A friend did–made a drinking game out of it. 20 minutes in and he was already well on his way to completely smashed.
Posted by Candice (Ms B's Mom ) on October 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm
I’d rather watch QVC….and I don’t. I’m sure I’ll be killing stinkbugs, though! I hear there’s the smell of cheap marketing and branding going around like meningitis. Yup.
Posted by Bill Hayes on October 31, 2012 at 9:36 am
You can, if you have a partner, freind colleague, play this game. The two of you drink a bottle of whiskey, Brandy, tequilla etc. Then one of you, it matters not, which one, goes outside and after a short interval, knocks at the door. The other has to guess who it is. Then repeat.