So one of my bestest friend’s boss had a mental breakdown…really. He did. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. His nickname is Turdman if that gives you an idea. My friend and I have been exchanging ideas about the right way to handle this. Here are some ideas:
1) Move all of the furniture out of his office, leaving only his personal belongings in a pile in the middle of his office floor.
2) Glue said belongings to said floor.
3) Leave a large chart on his wall showing the office pool with the dates each employee selected for the day the boss would be institutionalized. Have big congratulations notes written all over it for the winner.
4) Relocate the entire operation and don’t give him the new address. Leave him a note for when he comes back saying you’ll be back, please wait.
5) Take notes on every conversation, phone call (including wrong numbers), email (including spam), question, employee movement (including bathroom breaks) and written item that comes in during his absence, record each on a sticky note and cover his car with them.
6) Replace his anti-psychotic pills with psychotic pills…something like LSD.
7) Call him while he’s “resting and recovering at home” and say there’s an emergency but you’ll guess you’ll just have to make the big decision since he wigged out and then hang up.
8) Send him at get well soon card but point out that everyone simply refused to sign it.
9) Write a memorandum to the corporate CEO saying how incredibly high both morale and productivity have been since your boss finally lost his shit and accidentally include a copy inside the get well soon card.
10) Get a recording of “They’re Coming To Take Me Away” and pipe it into his house.